sometimes things don't go according to plan. it's ok really; i know that i am going to remain as happy as possible. through a really shitty week i have managaed to keep my head up. so far, the best remedy seems to be just laughing at the situations immediately and not dwell on anything. all my day to day problems are so minute, but living a life where the here and now plays a bigger role, it's almost like having blinders that keep us from seeing a "big picture." for instance; i filleted my thumb a few days ago, or my bike was stolen, not having a place to live, or having a lot of problems with megan (mainly involving Riley.) it's all making my life seem pretty depressing at the moment. it all clears away the moment i can step back and think that these issues will not be the most important things in the future. 2 months from now i will be dealing with whole new issues and trying just as hard to remain happy. i don't know what it's going to take for me to rearrange my views so that i can look at a bigger picture, but i am most definitely going to try. i am currently working on some goals for my life. i will make a more organized list in the future, but for the sake of getting my writing juices flowing i am going throw a few down right now.

- when jim, aaron, and i get our house i am going to start playing drums again.

- i am not cutting my dreads for at least one year. (time to work through something instead of giving up bc it doesn't come easily)

- once i get moved in and caught up on my bills, i am going to save at least 150 dollars of my checks into my "scooter fund"

- before summer is over, i am going to take a trip to the desert with a few friends and have a "mind cleansing experience."

- read at least one book a month.

-maintain a healthy diet. eventually weed out fast food and mass produced "dogfood" like mac n cheese, ramen noodles, etc. and focus on fresh foods.

i hope that by setting moderately easy goals for myself now, the fact that i am following through with anything should carry over to more longterm goals.


i really just want to become the best person i can be. i am so tired of gathering worthless possessions and wasting my life attaining things that are really of no importance. i am going to start reading more. especially on God, or the spiritual nature of man. i need to put a lot of thought and a lot more work into what i believe. my foundation. i am also hoping this plays a huge role in me being happy.

deep down i get this feeling that i am close to attaining peace within myself. that i am in harmony with life instead of just a dissonant being who chaos to people around me. i want to be happy, and i want to make other people happy. i mean, we are living in a time where the very idea of just being happy has been removed from our way of life. we constanly need something bigger, better, or just newer. none of that matters. we dont need new cars, new houses, an iphone, a 64 inch plasmablahblahblah mctv with satellite internet and 8756645764234 channels to dull our minds. we just need each other. and more importanly, we need ourselves, our minds. we need to take total control of our lives, know who we are, be happy with that and not let anyone ever take that away.



this is just the beginning...